mirror opposites

up...down.
right...left.
black...white.
nature...grunge.
opposites have a funny way of working well together
but still make you appreciate each entity on its own at the same time.

that quote:
"a sister is both your mirror and your opposite."
is so true when it comes to my older sister and I...whom I love and admire tremendously.
she is the "monica" of our relationship...
she likes things clean,
she has better taste in clothes - not following trends but looking for actual style,
and she gets things done on a regular basis - on time and more than likely alphabatized. :)
wheras me?
I'm cool with things taking their time getting clean,
I have made several fashion faux pas' over the years
(the vest and overall season were not a good season for me) :)
and I take my time gettting things done until the last minute - more than likely not alphabatized. :)
but somehow our differences work well together.

these girls that I got to photograph are no different than my sister and I.
it was genuinely amusing and fun to capture these two opposite personalities
that so strongly reminded me of my own sister...
each unique and gorgeous and so very fun to photograph on this beautiful afternoon. :)

I got the next pose idea from the cover of "cats & dogs"...inspiration REALLY is everywhere. :)

but it made me laugh thinking of my older sister and I and the "moments" we had

that have now become funny "only MY sister" stories now that we're adults. :)

these girls went with my request and it was a challenge to get them to not smile for a frame :)

[prelude]: palacios'

[prelude]: quinn & cali

strength, dignity and a whole lot of laughter :)

"she is clothed in strength and dignity...
         and she laughs at the day to come without fear of the future."

she is my faith ann...faither...my sassy lovely friend. :)
I cannot tell you how much I loved having been able to photograph these people.

when matt and I were new to junior high student ministries a looooooooooong time ago,
micah was still a baby.
I had NO idea what I was doing as a mom...okay, lets be honest, as a human being. :)
and suddenly I was expected to have people over and look presentable and put together as a pastor's wife.
enter faith.
she graciously week after week invited our staff into her home so that I could find my feet in life.
it's what she does.
look up hospitality and there's a smiling picture of her and jessie.  by their pool.  inviting you in :)
the above verse is her to a "t"...
she loves to laugh and serve and is simply beautiful to watch living out her giftedness.
I don't think she'll ever know how MUCH that season of serving meant to me.
or how very much I learned from her.
or how very much I'm still learning from her.
she knew I wanted to be hospitable and just simply couldn't in that season of life.
and I love her for knowing that and stepping in. :)

fast forward ten years.
life has dealt her and her family a lot as of late.
her beautiful grandson was the one I wrote about last week...
there hasn't been as much "laughing at the days to come." as of late.
but now?
now I get to watch her living out the beginning of that verse:

"she's is clothed with strength and dignity."

and she IS strong.
I know she forgets sometimes (don't we all, though?).
but I see her loving her own baby...I see her loving her rylee mae...
I see her trying to sort out the truth that God is indeed good.
I see her loving her husband.  her amazing, rock of a husband.
I see her continually serving and being gracious when she's somewhat bruised from life.

yep.
she's my faith.
someone to laugh with...someone who asks how the "real" you is doing...she's my friend.
and a privelage to get to photograph her and see her smile for an afternoon with her handsome husband...
and "laugh at the days to come."

I didn't talk as much about him above...but not because there isn't anything to say.
quite the opposite.
I talk to faith a lot and know without a shadow of a doubt that she is only "faith" because there is a "jessie."
he is her rock.
he is her friend.
he is her love.
I admire his strength and see him work hard with his hands.  everyday.  hard.
I told him he has "man hands" and he does.  with the scars and callouses to prove it.  not many men do anymore.
and if you poke him...scripture falls out.  a lot of scripture.  and it's good for the soul.  :)

someone to admire.

write something on your favorite social media board on politics, sports, or God
and you're almost sure to get a response of agreement or hostile disagreement.
try it and see if I'm not wrong. :)
they're subjects that most feel pretty heated about.
and it's not a secret that I'm not without opinion as well.
I suppose that is why this session was genuinely a privelage for me to photograph.
her son was going to be deployed a few days after thanksgiving and she wanted a few nice pictures to capture her family.
my schedule was already full, and I could have just forgotten about it.
but I couldn't.  I wanted this session.
because he's a soldier.  her son is a marine.
I admire him.  and what he's doing for us back in the safety of our home.
and what's more is that I admire her.
literally watching your heart get on a plane and go to an unknown country and fight for what so few are willing to fight for...and then to wait to hear snippets of news on his well being would be one of the most difficult things to do as a mom.
so I admire her.
and I am genuinely thankful I got to photograph these beautiful people.  :)

focus.

my thoughts are seriously jumbled as of late...and full.
I texted my friend today and told her I was pretty sure I was bi-polar.
I even had a conversation with my closest friend this week saying the same thing...
at least she told me she was too...so I didn't have to feel as bad about myself. ;)

I usually try to ask myself two blanket questions at the end of the year when it comes to kreatid:
"what have you done well this year?" and
"what do you need work on?"
the latter seems to be rolling around my head the most lately.
I can't tell if its just me being wise and looking at the hard stuff first, like saving dessert for last...
or if it's me just being insecure about the things I do.
if I'm being honest, it's BE-yond easy for me to be that.  insecure.  yeah, I said it.  out loud, even. :)
I'm finding out peoples perceptions of me don't include insecurity.
but I am.
about everything.
really. :)
and if I'm being really honest, I think you are too.
yeah, I said that too.

I had a conversation with a friend this week that being a grown up really isn't that much different than being a teenager.
there's still the same group of kids, just grown up....the artists, the jocks, the 4-h club girls, the cheerleaders, etc.
you still feel awkward.
you still look to the right and left to make sure you're doing things "right".
and I'm slowly coming to the conclusion that there isn't a same "right" conclusion that's the same for everyone.
in my insecure moments I lie to myself and say that there IS only one right...
because THAT person, THAT person right over there *insert insecurity* is being awesome and already doing it.
and it may very well be right.  for them.

I tell you all the time that I'm a spaz, and I think I'm right in saying that.
a spaz because I like and think entirely TOO many things ALL the time.
it's not good.  it's not bad.  it's just how God made ME.
I don't really have an "off" switch.
I like photography...all sorts of styles...photo journalistic, bold, story telling, fashion, photos that evoke emotion.
I like colors...bright colors, pastel colors, black & white, gradients, spectrums, neon even sometimes.
I like music...all kinds, really.
       coldplay, david crowder band, U2, county, rap, europop, blue grass, oldies...you name it.
       you'd laugh if I loaned you my ipod.  really.  it matches my many moods. :)
I like people...all kinds. :)
       people genuinely fascinate me...I really think there's at least one fascinating thing in every person.
I like textures...wood, concrete, metal, burlap, kraft paper, velvet.
I like sports.  I like to be lazy.  I like diet coke.  I like chocolate.  I like broccoli.
I like. I like. I like.
God made me to like many things.


my conclusion so far is that I need to work on being focused with all the things He's given me to like.

I watched an interview with stacy pearsall this week and something she said is really resonating with me:
"build your portfolio/body of work around your passion.
carve out time and direction for yourself.
make one sentence that defines the direction where you want to go.
if you can't fit it into a sentence, it's not concise enough."

so my one question is growing into more questions...
what am I passionate about with kreatid?
where does He want me to go with it?
what should I focus on?

honestly, I don't know yet.
my carved out time to ponder this in detail is in eleven days.  but I'm not counting. :)
in the mean time, I'm feeling like He's telling me to be okay with me...
to stop being consumed with looking to the right and left...and be okay with me.

it's not one sentence yet, but I REALLY like this for some direction on why I should pursue kreatid...

"I believe God created us in His image, and created us with the ability to create things.
I find it really motivating that when we photograph/design things,
we’re doing a small version of what God was doing when He made everything,
when he sat back and said “it is good”.
God is the best designer/creator and can provide the best inspiration.
I like to see photography/design as a way of honouring God and the creativity that he gave us."

that's me.
that's kreatid.

p.s. thank you to whoever put this on my car tonight...seriously was perfect and beyond appreciated. :)

forever friends.

typing.  then erasing.  then typing again. *sigh*
I was told that sometimes it feels like I "load it up" in the compliments department.
I think I disagree.
"loading it up" implies that I don't really feel what I'm saying about the person...quite the opposite really.
how do you put into words the feeling that your heart is super big for someone without "loading it up"?
I dunno, but that's how I feel about these people.
I feel like I have a pretty good gauge on who I am and my inner guts,
and that often makes me sit back often and wonder why I am so blessed with the people I get to love.
and what's more, that I get to photograph them and somehow try and capture what it is that I see and love.

I've written about her before, but it just feels like the longer we do life together, the more I just love her.
she is my confidant when I feel like I'm going to explode with thoughts.
she is kind and gracious...quite the opposite of my spazziness.
many times I walk away after a conversation where I verbally vomit all over her thinking "you. are. a. spaz." and come to the conclusion that I have no idea why she loves me.
but she does.  and I am better for it. :)
she's hardworking and thinks about life and responds to life in a way that I love and admire and learn from.
and she loves her husband and handsome boy tremendously.
and him?  he is a forever friend.
the kind of friend who's on your speed dial for emergencies when my husband is unavailable.  :)
the kind of friend that I can show up with no makeup on or my hair done and not feel weird about it.
the kind of friend who is genuinely a great husband and dad and friend to the people I love. :)
and the boy. :)
micah & maddie are knit to this little man.
in someways the relationship my son has with him reminds me of the relationship I have with her.
two totally different ways of seeing and doing life that somehow work well together. :)
I love his "jump first - ask later" attitude...his ability to have fun in almost every situation.
and I love that he likes to talk to me and tell me his stories.

so in conclusion, if that is "loading it up" too much, I am sorry.
they are worth talking about and loving on. :)

yeah, he has the coolest "no shave november" look.  he wins. :)