thankful to be a cat herder. :)

I wear a lot of hats during the week...mom, wife, office manager, photographer, friend, daughter...
but this hat is one of my favorites to wear.
the one I wear when I get to be these girls small group leader.
yup, get to.
I say small group and laugh just a bit...two dozen girls.
(yes, that is a shameless plug for those of you on the fence for serving...24 is not a small group...I love it and wouldn't change it for the world, but trust me - you're missing out.) :)

the only thing I can compare being a high school girls small group leader to is if you were to herd cats.
yup, herd cats. (p.s. herd is a funny word.) :)
cats aren't led around on leashes, they're opinionated, they're moody, they scratch if you make them angry. :)
but cats are soft, they're loyal to a certain extent and you can't help but love them.
yup, I'm a cat herder. (herder is a slightly funnier word.) :)

this last weekend I got to go away to san diego with these girls.
I got to hear their hearts when they chose to let me.
I got to laugh harder (albeit mostly about poop - sorry kayla) :) than I have in the past five years with these ladies I absolutely adore.
I got to see them be pretty competitive at java java, mega box wars and the sc games. (I seriously thought kim was gonna win.) :)
I got to see one of them meet Jesus for the first time ever.
I got to walk with them on their journey's for a bit.
I got to add their memories to the many echo's I hear when I go there and smile knowing peace.
I got to. :)

and in keeping with tradition of last year, these are our power animals - super hero this year... :)

the lamb. :)
her animal is fitting, somehow.
but only if you think lamb's are slightly shy-er, incredibly beautiful, witty power animals. ;)
and she is...I'm genuinely excited to get to know this girl better this year!

the mole. :)
you met her last year and I'm happy to say that SHE IS OWNING her power animal.
she's seriously cool, fly's a little on the downlow, is sarcastic, and has a HUGE heart.
I LOVE having her in group and love seeing her grow. :)

our brown bear. :)
it just fits her.  yup, it just does. :)
she's got a HUGE heart and LOVES the girls and she just. makes. me. smile. :)

she is a baby wooly mammoth. :)
I know, you totally just laughed out loud a smidge...I did too. :)
why wooly mammoth?
ummmmmm, because she has gorgeous hair and could pretty much kick your butt if she wanted to...but God left that bone out of her body when he made this gorgeous girl.  :)
and she is gorgeous, but she's more than that...she challenges me and encourages me at the same time and I love having her in our group. :)

the swan. :)
she's new to the group but I have a feeling that I'm going to seriously like this girl over the next four years.
we picked swan because she's a dancer...obvious choice. :)
but like a swan I think it's going to take some time for her to open up fully with our herd of cats. :)
I got to see pieces of her this weekend and like I said, pretty sure I'm going to seriously dig this girl! :)

ahhhhh, our house cat (crazy house cat because she thinks she's a lion.) ;)
I LOVE this girl.
she challenges me...she's brutally honest and she makes me laugh HARD at her sarcasm.
God is going to do something big with this girl and I'm glad I get to watch her on part of her journey. :)

bambi. :)
I loved my golf cart chat with this girl this year.
I got to see another piece of her heart and see a softness in her that was just simply encouraging.
she loves deeply.  she's very loyal and I love having her in our group. :)

perry the platypus.
yeah, she owns this...and she can do the perry noise AWESOMELY! :)
I like that this girl. she isn't afraid.
she's intelligent, is easy to laugh and isn't afraid to speak what's in her heart. :)

the polar bear.
again, it just fits.
polar bears can go for looooooooong times looking for food - they're patient.
polar bears are great teachers to their kids - they have the gift of teaching.
polar bears are tough and can take on antartica (that's where they're from, right?!) ;) - they're tough.
this girl is all those things and more...I seriously loved my gcc with her and loved that I got to know her just a bit better this camp...seriously encouraged by her. :)

the gazelle.
new to the group this year, I'm excited to get to know this one better.
she's quick to laugh and I can tell she's listening to the others when they share what's in their hearts.
another four years with this girl is going to be fun and super encouraging. :)

chipmunk. (or if you're her, you swear you're eleanor from the chipette's...I can kinda see it.  kinda.) ;)
I like this girl a lot.
you can't help but laugh hard at/with her somewhat admittedly flightiness in the way she talks.
but it's so dang endearing that you don't care and can't wait to hear what's going to come out of her mouth next.
I saw her be soft this camp and think some deep thoughts...
and I seriously can't wait to see her grow and I'm genuinely glad she's in my group. :)

the seahorse.
three more years with this girl is going to be a good thing for me.
she reminds me so much of my friend tonia d. it's kind of funny...in a totally good way. :)
she's loves to be a part of the group...not necessarily front and center...but loving it in her own way.
she's funny and her laugh is contagious.
yup, three more years is a good thing for me. :)

the kangaroo.
I got to watch this girl interact with the other girls and it made me smile.
she's going to be money...just see if I'm wrong.
her heart is sweet but there's a strength and foundation there.
she is going to be a good friend to these girls and I'm excited to get to know her better. :)

the starfish.
she. surpises. me.
she's seriously witty and isn't afraid to talk a little smack to a senior.  um, brave...and points in my book. :)
I like that. :)
I learned just a smidge more about this girl and I like her and am so excited I get to be her leader for the next four years! :)

ahhhhhhhhhh, flower.
I. Love. This. Girl.
she graduated this year and this was my last camp with her...the last of seven I got to spend with her.
you can't see me, but I'm smiling as I write because I know what she's going to say to me when she see's what picture I picked as a favorite, "I'm the only one not looking at the camera!"
and nope, you're not, lex...and I like it. :)
why?
because your smile is real in this picture...you just got done laughing at something stupid I did and you're happy. :)
this is how I will remember you.
you have challenged me the most...in a most definite good way.
my prayer life has grown because of you.
my own character has grown because of you.
my hope has grown because of you.
and the side I saw of you this camp just makes me smile...you love these girls. :)
I saw it in your eyes when they made you laugh,
I saw it at the games when your competitiveness came out.
and I see it in this picture...done laughing at me and just being happy.
I love you, lex...and I always will.
He's not done with you...I know it.

the labrador retriever.
I can't think of flower without thinking of her...
seven years with this girl...and I'm pretty sure I'll get at least seven more with her.
this is a girl whom I love tremendously.
it's funny, she and I are so very different outside looking in - but still so very much the same in a lot of things. :)
the things I love most about her is her heart when she's soft,
her faithfulness to the people who she genuinely loves - she teaches me about loyalty,
and her ability to find "fun" in almost anything...pretty sure she learned her lesson about silly string though. :)
her gcc's are a huge blessing to me...as well as our porch chats at home.
yes, I love her and I'm glad I get to call her my friend. :)

bunny.
ahhhhh, sam I am.
I LOVE getting to be your small group leader.
you crack me up...outside looking in - you're SO the bunny...little do people know that the hulk that lies underneath your small-ish exterior. ;)
God is teaching this girl how to be meek.
what is meekness?
strength under control.
something that few people honestly have and I get to watch this girl be refined by God.
best seat in the house. :)
she is a faithful friend, she has wisdom built on a foundation that I know is sound and built on truth.
I get a whole nother year with this one and I could. not. be. more. happy. about it! :)
she is my sam I am...who also happens to be our bunny. :)

and then there is my luci.
who is a phoenix burro.
yup, we had to go mystical on her because no animal fits her just right.
and that's just right.
burro because she's stubborn and hard working.
phoenix because she's just beautiful and God let her rise from the ashes...deep, I know for a power animal.
but it fits her. :)
she's not one of my girls...she's my co-leader now. (ask her, she'll flash you her "badge") ;)
I love her.
where some people are wired to be "steady eddie's"...she's the most amazing roller coaster of a girl.
her high's are higher than any I've ever experienced and it's contagious when she is...
she's passionate, she has the gift of teaching and she loves sooooooooo deeply.
and honestly?  her low's are just as exhilarating to witness.
God. always. meets. her.
in a room full of people, He whispers to her...and it makes me smile. :)
I am privileged, abso-freaking-lutely privileged, to be her friend and to get to be on this journey with her.
she challenges my character...and I love that He uses her to do it.
I love her.
today and always.

I have more power animal girls...the white tiger, the koala bear, the sugar glider, the squirrel and more...but like I said,
I'm a cat herder. :)
I'll introduce you to them another time.

but tonight, I'm thankful.
thankful for new echo's at a place that is becoming more familiar to me than where I grew up.
yup.
thankful. :)

one hundred days.

thirty seven sessions in under one hundred days.
I'll leave you with the math on how many images that is to cull. :)
for some that isn't a big number.
but for me, that's something to sit back and take pause on.
especially heading into wedding season starting this weekend.

I've been absent on this blog as of late working hard with production.
this blog has gotten lost somewhere amidst life, deadlines
and my head hitting the pillow sometime around two each night it seems...
production is a good thing but I feel like I'm missing a piece out of the emotional aspect on this journey.
I suppose that's part of the reason I have a blog...and why I suppose some of you read this...
to get to know me...what I think, what I see...my thoughts.
my thoughts + your images = the [kreatid] blog :)

so where am I at on this journey?
for the most part, I've experienced nothing but good these last 100 days...

#1
creatively exploring different sides of each of your personalities that you've allowed me glimpses of has been an absolute pleasure...
annie (yes, I pretend I'm on a first name basis with her) :) said it best:
"when I photograph you, I'm saying I would like to know you."

 #2
being outside and finding new locations that work to enhance your images has been worthwhile
and challenging in mostly a good way (*note to self* wedges are not made for climbing in rocks) :)

#3
looking outside the norm for new posing and angles has challenged how I see you in front of the lens...
I've got a quirky side. (and not like a zooey deschanel quirly way, like a three eyeball quirkiness :) )
I know it.  I've embraced it.
but what's more, is that you've embraced it.
you  let me draw out your quirky side through the camera and it's been one giant quirk-fest.
(yeah, I might have taken that word just a little bit too far.) :)

posing has become new for me each session...and it's been super fun in the process. :)

#4
learning that there is so much more to "not growing weary at doing good" than I could have ever have known.
I know there is more to life than photography.
a lot of you ask how I balance my two kids, being a pastor's wife,
being a book keeper for a well known restaurant, being a small group leader, etc, etc, etc...and to be honest.
I don't balance it.
He does.
my life's verses have been found in galatians:

"live creatively, friends. (he says it RIGHT THERE!)
       if someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself.
                              you might be needing forgiveness before the day's out.
       stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed.
             share their burdens, and so complete Christ's law.
if you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived.

make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given,
and then sink yourself into that.

don't be impressed with yourself.
don't compare yourself with others.
each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life.

what a person plants, he will harvest.
the person who plants selfishness, ignoring the needs of others—ignoring God!—harvests a crop of weeds.
all he'll have to show for his life is weeds!
but the one who plants in response to God, letting God's Spirit do the growth work in him,
harvests a crop of real life, eternal life.

so let's not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good.
at the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don't give up, or quit."

is it hard juggling life with photography?
you. bet. it. is.
but to remind you of one of my favorite movie quotes: "the hard is what makes it great."

it's true.
but I'm slowly realizing that "the hard" is a whole lot narrower and less populated that I had originally anticipated.
even among people I call good friends.
this knowledge can be seriously lonely company at times.
I'm slowly realizing that there is a whole breed of people who don't care about the hard.
and that's okay.

this poses the question:
"how do you strive with everything you've got after the hard, knowing it was what you were made to do, all the while being bombarded by those who either don't care about the hard or want to load you up more with their hard as well?"
hard to understand? ;)
*ha!  it's been a while since I've written so I have no doubt half of you have given up at the point...
I promise a less heavier thought read in the future. :)*

let me try to explain...
I've had a lot of conversation with my sister about what defines a professional photographer.
and for me the answer to that is this:

"someone who is on the journey of producing consistent, of quality, artistically unique images with a healthy awareness and action in viewing and treating their brand as a business."
(I'm sure there are A LOT of holes in that statement...it's just my opinion.)

practically what does that mean?
it means the photographer invests and educates themselves with their equipment,
it means the photographer registers their business with the proper tax agencies - not just facebook,
it means the photographer researches and finds locations on their own,
it means the photographer cares about the quality of the images and production they give their clients,
it means the photographer isn't just an artist, but a business person.

hard stuff to think about, no?

so what are some of my soft conclusions on the practicality of "the hard"?

#1
the more you put yourself out there, the more "kinds" you're going to get.
my grandpa says "you get all kinds.  you don't need all kinds, but you definitely get all kinds."
and he's right. :)
I've met all kinds this season...some of you I'll have a friendship after this season...some of you not.
I'm okay with that.
yeah, I said that.
out loud.
it is REALLY hard for the people-pleaser in me to say...I'm okay with not being something to all kinds. :)

#2
living with the knowledge that you've never "arrived" nor are ever intended to.
you're always in state of learning and growing.
does the pendulum swing a slight bit less the longer you're on the journey?
yes, but you're never done learning.

challenge yourself...get out of auto mode.
see things in a new way.
do something that resonates with you...and then go deeper with that.
"sink yourself into that..."

#3
business is just that, business.
stereotypically, this is probably why you don't see as many successful business women...
it's hard for us to shut off our emotions and just look at business as business.
I'm learning I don't have to explain my business decisions.
I need to be upfront and clear and easy to understand.
but I don't have to explain and answer to every complaint.
I just got an email from a client stating that "the customer is always right."
and I agree...to a certain extent.

if I walked into a restaurant and ordered something off the menu;
got the said item off the menu and it was good;
and then complained that I thought I would be receiving two of them because "the customer is always right."
I would be wrong.

I need to provide what I stated I would provide...and if possible, a little more...

but in the end if the client isn't satisfied with what they've received and I'm sure I've delivered a quality product, I don't need to be emotional in my response.
just clear, kind and matter of fact.
how they choose to respond is their choice.
and once again, the people-pleaser in me needs to let go and let business be business.
hard stuff. :)

#4
I don't have to give away e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. I find...specifically locations.
it's gotten to the point that I'm scheduling clients based on a emotion they feel when they look at a previous image I've taken...and they can narrow that emotion down to the location and how it made them feel.
that's pretty powerful stuff.
but do I own the location?
nope.
but I did drive.
and did a whole lot of research.
and then drive some more...with my mom :) - who is infatuated with arizona and it's beauty.
and then I drove some more.
and then researched some more to find some pretty unique locations off the beaten path.
time and energy spent towards a unique thing I provide for my clients.
this shooting season I've heard over and over again from my clients that they genuinely appreciate it.
so I'll continue doing that.
providing for them...not the general public.
I don't mind sharing both ways...but simple hand outs?  not a fan.
do the hard.
research.  then drive.
then research some more...
then drive some more...so much more rewarding and in the end, pretty unique. :)

#5
my husband is the best business partner I could ever have.
I don't say it enough...and society wants to tell me that it's all about me.
but I know that it's not.
without him, I am not me.
he is my rock.
he is wise.
he is my friend.
and he gets this business.
I am a lucky girl indeed. :)
 
so there's my thoughts after 100 days.
doing what I do...and sometimes it's hard.
because it's what I was made to do.
am I pleasing everyone?
nope.
but I'm hoping to please Him more the longer I'm on this journey.

the nearness of you.

without him, I am not me.



the song came on today...
in the midst of do-it-now's, have-to's, must-get-done's;
the song came on today. :)
immediately I became flooded with one of my most favorite memories to date.
books have the same kind hold on me...a sort of an escape from the day.
but this song?
this song is so much better than any book I've read.
this song is this memory for me.
and today, I escaped to the cold...to the city...to the nearness of him.

I love him.
it has become so that without him, I am not me.

and back to where it all started... :)

a very pinterest-ing obsession :)

ahhhh, pinterest.
wait, what's that?
you've never heard of it?!
if the fact that I am blogging about it isn't proof enough of my obsession,
let me explain a little more why I think it's worth checking out! :)

pinterest is an online pinboard that just became one of the top 10 social networks. (i.e. it's a big deal.)
in my words?
it's an online pinboard that if tumblr, blogger, wordpress & facebook all got together and smooshed together,
they would have re-birthed this seriously AH-mazing site! (did I? yeah, I did just say re-birth...just go with me.) :)
it's a place where bakers, seamstress', photographers, designers, crafters, collectors, fashionistas, dieters, readers & a myriad of other people can get a glimpse of creative inspiration by looking at what their peers are looking at and learning from. (in a most non-creepy, non-stalkerish way, of course!) :)
naysayer's would say it's the biggest time suck because you never actually "do" any of the stuff you pin...
oh contraire, haters :)
I am now the proud owner of homemade angry bird plushies, crayon art & wall art that otherwise would never have been created by spending time doing pinteresting things with my crafty kids! :)
yes, there are some dud recipes I've tried, but overall...some really creative good stuff to try out!
some might even say it's the creative type's answer to fantasy football. ;)
but whatever you say or have heard about, I'm telling you I love it!
if you're on there let me know to follow you...I LOVE new inspiration!
or if you want a glimpse into my crazy-town mind follow me here! :)
here's a few of my latest favorite pins...

happy pin-ning! :)

scenic overlook

it's friday...and I'm finally smiling on the inside. :)

I posted this record on sunday that was painted by an artist that I like.
beautiful, hand-painted records...not going to lie, I wish I had that kind of art in me.
I posted his art because I kept hearing this song.
the song resonated in my heart all week.
all week, in every uphill conversation...in every message...He is making me new.
me.
last night was the tipping point and I couldn't help but smile knowing that God was laughing at me.
laughing because I couldn't escape what He was continuously whispering to me.
He was reminding me that it's worth it to reach the peak of an uphill week.
whispering encouragement to me that there is an unbelievable view that makes your heart swell and where peace resides.
and reminding me that this journey
is.
so.
worth.
it.

I have a feeling that twentytwelve is going to be an uphill year and that I haven't even come close to reaching a peak.
this friday, at the close of an uphill week the reality is that this is probably only a "scenic overlook". :)
and that's okay.
in fact, it's good.
good because when He makes things new, they're better.
the journey is painful...growth always is.
growing pains remind me of physically growing as a little kid...your legs ache for days on end.
but IN the end you're stronger...taller even.
and so much more fit for walking on the journey.

I feel like this week was a gift of reminding me that on this journey to focus, dependence on Him is essential.
I can be creative.
I can be me.
but dependence on Him is essential.
and in the end if I slow down to pause and listen to His whispers amidst an unphill week...
the scenic overlook is simply breathtaking.

direction.

 

*image matthew kavan brooks

I told you yesterday that I have purposely hit the pause button on kreatid for a reason.
next to rest, the largest reason is to take a step back at kreatid and to improve it...
I'm a firm believer that a person is NEVER done improving ones self.
and I am in no way shape or form an authority on wisdom,
but I know enough about it to know that you're never really done learning and growing.  ever.
so whether it be as a photographer, designer or even just me being me,
if I'm not improving/learning, I am stagnant.

*enter deep thoughts* :)

focus.
a primary goal for twentytwelve is to be focused.
in every facet of my life, to work hard at being focused.

the beginning of being focused with kreatid is having this statement that gives me direction.
not only does this statement verbally explain why I picked the name "kreatid" as my business name,
but it gives me a firm foundation to grow as a creative individual...
it's not about me, it's about Him and how He's made me to be.
the statement is from a designer that I really admire:

"I believe God created us in His image, and created us with the ability to create things.
I find it really motivating that when we photograph/design things,
we’re doing a small version of what God was doing when He made everything,
when he sat back and said “it is good”.
God is the best photographer/designer and can provide the best inspiration.
I like to see photography/design as a way of honouring God and the creativity that he gave us."

when I read this I gasped audibly.
this. is. me.
this. is. kreatid.  :)
so now that I have direction where do I go from here regarding kreatid?

becker said in a recent interview that a brand is "a persons perception or what they think of you."
this past month I've been selectively asking friends and people that I admire what they think when it comes to my brand.
sort of an informal focus group just for me.
kind of scary and a bit like standing in room naked and having people tell you where you need to improve,
but necessary for the next step in kreatid and the outcome genuinely made me laugh. :)
every. single. person.
said I had great images/designs
BUT that my brand was slightly "too busy" and didn't really convey who I was as a creative.
their thoughts surprisingly lined up with what I was already thinking.

*enter focus*

I like my name.
I thought about changing it to incorporate my personal name...
but I've been at this for three years and even though it's hard to spell...it is what it is and I really like it.
I like that I'm getting more consistent shooting and that I'm working into my own "style" of shooting.

BUT I'm not 100% on my brand...
so I'm going to rework all of it. :)
yup, gonna blow it up a bit.
it's a bit daunting, but I feel sure that this facet in my life is present for me from Him.
I need to treat it with excellence and to work hard at it.

so here I go, on day two of twentytwelve.
off to do work and work hard. :)

p.s. if any of you "stalkers" have any constructive thoughts to add, I'd love to hear them! :)

focus.

my thoughts are seriously jumbled as of late...and full.
I texted my friend today and told her I was pretty sure I was bi-polar.
I even had a conversation with my closest friend this week saying the same thing...
at least she told me she was too...so I didn't have to feel as bad about myself. ;)

I usually try to ask myself two blanket questions at the end of the year when it comes to kreatid:
"what have you done well this year?" and
"what do you need work on?"
the latter seems to be rolling around my head the most lately.
I can't tell if its just me being wise and looking at the hard stuff first, like saving dessert for last...
or if it's me just being insecure about the things I do.
if I'm being honest, it's BE-yond easy for me to be that.  insecure.  yeah, I said it.  out loud, even. :)
I'm finding out peoples perceptions of me don't include insecurity.
but I am.
about everything.
really. :)
and if I'm being really honest, I think you are too.
yeah, I said that too.

I had a conversation with a friend this week that being a grown up really isn't that much different than being a teenager.
there's still the same group of kids, just grown up....the artists, the jocks, the 4-h club girls, the cheerleaders, etc.
you still feel awkward.
you still look to the right and left to make sure you're doing things "right".
and I'm slowly coming to the conclusion that there isn't a same "right" conclusion that's the same for everyone.
in my insecure moments I lie to myself and say that there IS only one right...
because THAT person, THAT person right over there *insert insecurity* is being awesome and already doing it.
and it may very well be right.  for them.

I tell you all the time that I'm a spaz, and I think I'm right in saying that.
a spaz because I like and think entirely TOO many things ALL the time.
it's not good.  it's not bad.  it's just how God made ME.
I don't really have an "off" switch.
I like photography...all sorts of styles...photo journalistic, bold, story telling, fashion, photos that evoke emotion.
I like colors...bright colors, pastel colors, black & white, gradients, spectrums, neon even sometimes.
I like music...all kinds, really.
       coldplay, david crowder band, U2, county, rap, europop, blue grass, oldies...you name it.
       you'd laugh if I loaned you my ipod.  really.  it matches my many moods. :)
I like people...all kinds. :)
       people genuinely fascinate me...I really think there's at least one fascinating thing in every person.
I like textures...wood, concrete, metal, burlap, kraft paper, velvet.
I like sports.  I like to be lazy.  I like diet coke.  I like chocolate.  I like broccoli.
I like. I like. I like.
God made me to like many things.


my conclusion so far is that I need to work on being focused with all the things He's given me to like.

I watched an interview with stacy pearsall this week and something she said is really resonating with me:
"build your portfolio/body of work around your passion.
carve out time and direction for yourself.
make one sentence that defines the direction where you want to go.
if you can't fit it into a sentence, it's not concise enough."

so my one question is growing into more questions...
what am I passionate about with kreatid?
where does He want me to go with it?
what should I focus on?

honestly, I don't know yet.
my carved out time to ponder this in detail is in eleven days.  but I'm not counting. :)
in the mean time, I'm feeling like He's telling me to be okay with me...
to stop being consumed with looking to the right and left...and be okay with me.

it's not one sentence yet, but I REALLY like this for some direction on why I should pursue kreatid...

"I believe God created us in His image, and created us with the ability to create things.
I find it really motivating that when we photograph/design things,
we’re doing a small version of what God was doing when He made everything,
when he sat back and said “it is good”.
God is the best designer/creator and can provide the best inspiration.
I like to see photography/design as a way of honouring God and the creativity that he gave us."

that's me.
that's kreatid.

p.s. thank you to whoever put this on my car tonight...seriously was perfect and beyond appreciated. :)

joy

there are some days that I think God is blatantly trying to get my attention.
today was one of those.

this time last year was very similar to this year.
photoshoots in every available time slot...then editing the shoots, then producing the shoots...
all the while "normal" life was continuing and beckoning and had been getting busier because didn't you know it's CHRISTMAS TIME!?
whatever spazziness I might be during the ten other months of the year...those two that year topped it.  by far.
definitely happy getting to do what I love but somehow I had lost something for the first time in...ever.

I lost christmas.

and I can remember the exact moment it happened.
it was the week before christmas.
I was sitting in my car.
alone.
and that "where are you christmas song" from the grinch came on 99.9.
the busyness came to a screeching halt and the tears began to flow.
yup, totally cried to a grinch song.  not my finest moment.
blubbering to myself wondering where indeed had christmas gone? :)

fast forward to this year.
I can feel the hustle and bustle creeping in.
but today I felt like God was putting last years "grinch moment" in the forefront of my mind.
it started with blake's facebook status update the night before
(which I read at 1:30a.m. in the morning...yep...hustle and freaking bustle.) :)
all he wrote was "He is jealous for me."
it's a line from one of my most favorite songs right now.
that was the first little flick at my heart from God...reminding me that my joy was starting to creep out the door.

the day ensued until something caught my eye this afternoon before I went to pick up the kids from school.
you see I had cut back all the rose bushes in my front yard last week...they needed a rest in my mind.
the sun only shines in one part of the rose bushes at about two p.m. this time of year.
and to my surprise, I saw one single white bud open, with the sun shining perfectly on it.
it was a present.
just for me.
from Him.
whispering that He is indeed jealous for me and that I need to slow down and smell the roses.
and not only was it a rose...but a white rose (they don't bloom that much for some reason.)
this white rosebush is called peace.

 needless to say, the first tired tear of the day was shed. :)

THEN, tonight justin taught about joy.
he declared "the joy of the Lord is my strength."
yup, go ahead and laugh.  I did.  God was being a little more direct with me at this point. :)

as soon as he uttered the word joy - my mind flicked back to this weekend to my friend emily's encouraging email to me.
she had lovingly written not three days ago:
"joy is a flame that glimmers only in the palm of the open & humble hand.
in an open and humble palm, released & surrenedered to receive,
light dances, flickers happy."
joy seems to be the theme God is whispering to me.

Justin went on to teach that true joy and the chief end of man is to glorify God and to ENJOY Him forever.
to enjoy the presents He gives you...yes salvation and His Word...but in the day to day as well.
and for me His presents often come in the form similar to that of a single white rose.

I tried explaining all this to my girls tonight.
not sure if I succeeded, but I'm not sure that really matters.
God succeeded in grabbing my attention today and reminding me to find my joy.
joy and peace can be found for me in the day to day.
I just have to be intentional about seeking after them

"a thankful heart is a happy heart." (thank you veggie tales.)
true happiness = joy.
so it begs the thought:
what do I need to be thankful for today?
remembering that is where I will find my peace and joy...my christmas. :)

you won't find me in a puddle in my car this year.
nope, there's too much to be thankful for.

free moments.

 

a very classy lady went to be with Jesus this week.

three handsome little boys that I know are with her.

no more pain.  perfect healing with Him.

and yet my heart still hurts, even though the truth of them being with Jesus rings true.

my heart hurts for the ones who are left behind.

I'm a doer and I like to roll up my sleeves and help.

but with grief, the only thing that seems to help is time and memories.

so I prayed all day yesterday.

prayed for my friends.

prayed for my own family and the inevitable future that is to be someday.

just prayed.

and this morning I woke up with a lighter happy heart.

I CAN do something.

I capture moments that turn into memories. (insert slow smile of a grinch who's heart grew three sizes)

with the camera that God has given me...I get to capture your smiles and moments.

and I want to give that to someone.

no rules.

no contest.

just an hour for me to spend with you capturing your beautiful self/family/pet/etc. you name it and I'll photograph it.

so on this 1st day of november until  november 13th, I would like to hear who you would like to give the gift of memories to.   it can be yourself, it can be a gift for someone else.  even if you have a session already scheduled with me...you could still get your session for free.

I want to do this.

all you need to do is go to my facebook page.

simply write a/your name there...then tell your friends and family to write a/your name there as well.

I'll count up all the recommendations and the person who has the most recommendations for a session will get one. 

good luck!

pieces of sunshine - colorado springs, colorado

this is my little sister and her beautiful family.
and she is so much more than just my little sister.
she is an amazing wife.  a most beautiful mommy.  an unbelievably creative entrepreneur.

but to me?
she is my beautiful little sister who happens to be my closest friend.

the kind of friend who makes you laugh until your lungs feel like they're going to pop.
and most of the time she doesn't even mean to be that funny...she just is.
you can see it in her eyes when you surprise her with your laughter...they start to sparkle and then she just runs with her hilarity.
yes, that friend.

she is the kind of friend who eyes fill up with tears when you share hard things but then somehow finds a way to make you feel like it just isn't that hard of a thing anymore and that you can conquer the world...

she is the kind of friend that if you've found that you're cornered, she's the first to jump in swinging.
and only after the last foe is found lying in her wake will she even begin to think of asking what she was defending you from.

there is a poem that I love and it reminds me of her as I watch her live her life:

"...she left pieces of her life everywhere she went...
              it was easier to feel the sunlight without them, she said."

but the secret is that she is sunshine.
not only to me...but to most who encounter her.
and that is what she does...she leaves little pieces of her sunshine on whatever path God gives her.