joy

there are some days that I think God is blatantly trying to get my attention.
today was one of those.

this time last year was very similar to this year.
photoshoots in every available time slot...then editing the shoots, then producing the shoots...
all the while "normal" life was continuing and beckoning and had been getting busier because didn't you know it's CHRISTMAS TIME!?
whatever spazziness I might be during the ten other months of the year...those two that year topped it.  by far.
definitely happy getting to do what I love but somehow I had lost something for the first time in...ever.

I lost christmas.

and I can remember the exact moment it happened.
it was the week before christmas.
I was sitting in my car.
alone.
and that "where are you christmas song" from the grinch came on 99.9.
the busyness came to a screeching halt and the tears began to flow.
yup, totally cried to a grinch song.  not my finest moment.
blubbering to myself wondering where indeed had christmas gone? :)

fast forward to this year.
I can feel the hustle and bustle creeping in.
but today I felt like God was putting last years "grinch moment" in the forefront of my mind.
it started with blake's facebook status update the night before
(which I read at 1:30a.m. in the morning...yep...hustle and freaking bustle.) :)
all he wrote was "He is jealous for me."
it's a line from one of my most favorite songs right now.
that was the first little flick at my heart from God...reminding me that my joy was starting to creep out the door.

the day ensued until something caught my eye this afternoon before I went to pick up the kids from school.
you see I had cut back all the rose bushes in my front yard last week...they needed a rest in my mind.
the sun only shines in one part of the rose bushes at about two p.m. this time of year.
and to my surprise, I saw one single white bud open, with the sun shining perfectly on it.
it was a present.
just for me.
from Him.
whispering that He is indeed jealous for me and that I need to slow down and smell the roses.
and not only was it a rose...but a white rose (they don't bloom that much for some reason.)
this white rosebush is called peace.

 needless to say, the first tired tear of the day was shed. :)

THEN, tonight justin taught about joy.
he declared "the joy of the Lord is my strength."
yup, go ahead and laugh.  I did.  God was being a little more direct with me at this point. :)

as soon as he uttered the word joy - my mind flicked back to this weekend to my friend emily's encouraging email to me.
she had lovingly written not three days ago:
"joy is a flame that glimmers only in the palm of the open & humble hand.
in an open and humble palm, released & surrenedered to receive,
light dances, flickers happy."
joy seems to be the theme God is whispering to me.

Justin went on to teach that true joy and the chief end of man is to glorify God and to ENJOY Him forever.
to enjoy the presents He gives you...yes salvation and His Word...but in the day to day as well.
and for me His presents often come in the form similar to that of a single white rose.

I tried explaining all this to my girls tonight.
not sure if I succeeded, but I'm not sure that really matters.
God succeeded in grabbing my attention today and reminding me to find my joy.
joy and peace can be found for me in the day to day.
I just have to be intentional about seeking after them

"a thankful heart is a happy heart." (thank you veggie tales.)
true happiness = joy.
so it begs the thought:
what do I need to be thankful for today?
remembering that is where I will find my peace and joy...my christmas. :)

you won't find me in a puddle in my car this year.
nope, there's too much to be thankful for.