a little clarity on this journey. :)

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

fear and direction.

clarity.  for myself anyways.  :)
for me, fear and clarity go hand in hand.

"...fear is like a giant fog.  it sits on your brain and blocks everything -
            real feelings, true happiness...real joy..."

let me explain.

I'm still mulling over my "deep thoughts" from my travels.
these thoughts happen when I travel.
they occur when I have when my mind is freed up from the day to day.
this irish poem crossed my inbox and kind-of explains how I feel about taking a holiday...
(not sure if I'm cool enough English enough to say holiday, but I like it.) :)

"every time you leave home,
                       another road takes you into a world you were never in.
new strangers on other paths await.
            old places that know you well will
                         pretend nothing changed since your last visit.

                    when you travel, you find yourself     alone    in a different way,
        more attentive now to the self you bring along.
and how what meets you touches that part of the heart that lies low at home:

when you travel, a new silence goes with you,
      and if you listen, you will hear what your heart would love to say.

                                  a journey can become a sacred thing:
        make sure, before you go, to take the time to ask Him to bless your going forth,
to free your heart of ballast
     so that the compass of your soul might direct you toward the territories of spirit
             where you will discover more of your hidden life,
                      and the urgencies that deserve to claim you.

may you travel in an awakened way, gathered wisely into your inner ground;
that you may not waste the invitations which wait along the way to transform you.

may you travel safely, arrive refreshed,
                   and live your time away to its fullest;
        return home more enriched,
                            and free to balance the gift of days which call you."

I took that photo above at a foggy, frozen pond while hiking with my man on our holiday.  and this poem and quote resonated in me and I finally felt the fog that I felt like was hovering over my thoughts, lift a bit.
foggy thoughts on fear and direction.

what is the point of my writing?  why do I write?  what should I be writing about?
        why do I fear so much?  what do I fear?  who do you fear?

and in the clearing of these thoughts I found a few quiet answers.

I write because I enjoy it.  it's like cleaning out my spazzy mind.  swiffer for my mind, if you will. :)
   I enjoy seeing and copying what He has created  - with my lens.
      I don't pretend to be a teacher.  I don't pretend to have vast knowledge.
         this is simply my journey...my "inner ground".
             it's my voice but it's not about me...never has been.  it's about Him.
there is a quote that my pastor read from this sunday from c.s.lewis that I simply LOVE.
"...I must take care, on one hand, never to despise or be unthankful for these earthly blessings, and on the other, never to mistake them for the something else of which they are only a kind of copy, or echo, or mirage."
I'm a copycat.  a happy copycat.  a copycat of what He's created.  kreatid.  :)

   oh, the giant fog that turns my gaze to myself.

I fear people mostly.
    I fear not pleasing everyone.
         I fear not measuring up to someone else's standards.
               I fear bugs.  small, insignificant bugs.
                    I hope there's not bugs in the new heaven and earth. :)
          I fear temporal pain.
     I fear family things.  losing people close to my heart.
and then that quote:

"...fear is like a giant fog.  it sits on your brain and blocks everything -
            real feelings, true happiness...real joy..."

fear is foolish because it's not from Him.
   I know He is good.
       I feel like this last week has been a small journey into that simple, strong knowledge.
          I saw real strength.  I witnessed real love.  I worshiped Real Love.
              real feelings.  true happiness.  real joy.
                  whom then shall I fear?

the conclusion?
this small page in the world wide web may not be for you.
   what I think, what I say, what I see may not be how you see things.
                                                                                          and that's okay.
                                                               this is simply my journey.


elizabeth said...

I think pretty much...I love you a lot. Love hearing your thougts and you write in a way that makes me feel like we are sitting down and chatting face to face. Miss you friend

DESIGNEDbyemily said...

simple.truth.thank you.

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